13.
“Over the past week I told one of my friends I liked them, to my surprise I found out that she likes me as well. Things seemed to be going great and may be they are and it’s just my self consciousness and insecurities setting in. I probably should take a step back before I continue shouldn’t I?
Back in 2002 - 2003 I dated this girl named ***. Things were great, I mean really great no one could bring us down or anything. But our relationship wasn’t based on liking each other for our personalities or who we were. Ok maybe that’s a lie, there was probably a small part of us that liked each other for who we were, but our relationship eventually went down south with in about 3 to 4 months. It went from spending time together to messing around all the time it never got to the point of sex, but ultimately our relationship got destroyed from all of this. PDA got out of control, and friends didn’t want to be around us a lot of the time. Eventually we obviously broke up because she cheated on me. Long story short with that we were suppose to hang out, she ignored my phone calls and then later that day I caught her at the mall with some guy where she admitted she had cheated on me with him. We went a few months of not talking and then got back in touch. It remained like that for years and we would hook up every now and then to (me being too stupid to see she was using me). Now up to Jan. last year a potential relationship I had with some one fell through, I stopped caring and week later I was in bed with ***. I didn’t care, I was thinking, I just wanted the satisfaction of feeling good plus I thought I was taking advantage of her it was the other way around. We didn’t speak since until I found out from my cousin that she was trash talking me, my body, saying I was an awful person. I then also found out from one of her friends that she lied to me about her and her bf were broken up. I was furious, sent her a message on facebook telling her never to speak to me again I had enough with her BS. A few unkind words were sent back and forth and we haven’t spoke since (this was back in June). This now brings me up to, today.
As I said before both this girl and I like each and there’s a potential relationship. Her and her now ex-bf broke up last week, shortly after we told each other that we like one another. She told me not to worry about him, because if he’s not willing to make it work she isn’t either and she won’t be there for him if he comes running back. Now one of my biggest concerns with her was entering the “friend zone” which I was very open about with her. She told me to just give her time which she knows I understand. Then out of no where all because she commented on my status on fb this other guy commented on (plus we have a friend in common) he friend requested her. I took them commenting on each other statuses as flirting but I could be wrong. But in the end I got really insecure and upset/jealous. I even talked to her that day saying I was afraid of messing things up between us and she told me I wouldn’t and that I don’t have to worry. I’ve gotten passed that but I feel as if things are changing I’ve felt like she might not feel the same ever since the friend request thing, our convo about me messing up.
We’ve talked everyday since we found out about liking each other (last sunday or monday I think it was) and we talked all day this past Sunday. Maybe were growing tired of talking to each other and need some distance? I don’t know what to do honestly, I’m tired of feeling upset over this. It sits like an awful pit feeling in my stomach. More and more I’m starting to think distance/space is the answer as I had mentioned before. What do you make of all of this? I’m tired of this pain/fear.”
