11.a
“so there are lots of things i could use some help with i’m 18, 12th grade but i’ll try not to like, write a novel d: try to not be very wordy and keep it fact but not everything obviously. my family has been told since i was in 3rd grade that i need mental help, that i need to talk to somebody. and they let it go till 8th grade i got caught at school for severe self injury that i successfully hid for about a year. between 10 grade and now i’ve attempted suicide twice in the midst of full-blown insane mental-breakdowns. i can’t control my emotions. either i’m ridiculously depressed which makes me isolate myself from people. or i’m ridiculouslyh yper and annoying and it pushes people away. i have pretty much no friends anymore. my family, i don’t care what anyone says, they’re different, they truly do not give a damn. i’ve been binge/purging since 10th grade and my mom said to me in 11th “i hope you burn a gaping hole in your throat” and i convinced her it was just that once because i didn’t feel well after eating. i was 250 in the beginning. the 145. not i’m 170 from trying to get “healthy” on my own. i totally and completely feel nothing but pure unadulterated loathing for myself. i’m obese, i’m ugly, i have no talent, there’s not a single thing i’m pleased with. ejbfvlsjdbvsvbldfloh i just want to know how to be happy T-T”
(continued)
“thing with “parents” is that my mom moved out over a year ago and i never knew my father and i wouldn’t want to burdon my grandparents like that >_< and i can’t talk to my mom about my emotions because she’s been to jail and rehab recently so thinks she knows what she’s talking about mentally. i also can’t trust her with my vulnerability because when i was 8 she drove under the influence and fucked up my nose for life in an accident. never apologized. then when i was 12 she was driving drunk and slammed my side of the car into a tree at high speed, didn’t come to see if i was okay, didn’t acknowledge me, but just scrambled to get rid of her empty liquor bottle. again never apoligized, or asked if i was okay -_- no one cares. people think i’m over-exaggerating when i say no one does care about me in real life.”
**Reblog this if you have anything to say to this person, any advice YOU can offer. EVERYONE is Team Coexistere. If you reblog this, with your own advice, we will reblog it here so everyone can see it.**
This is probably not going to be too useful since I honestly do not know what to say, but I do want to get one message across: please do not feel like you’re the only one going through this and (this isn’t intended to come off as harsh) but there are people worse off than you. I’m in no place to say much because I’m only 16 and have a limited amount of knowledge but I can not only sympathize, but empathize with you, because I have a slightly toned down version of what you said here. Therefore, I won’t be commenting and expanding on a lot of the stuff you say because I don’t feel like it’s fair for you that I go, “Well, I think that this and that and this blah blah blah.” Because no, I don’t know. You are a stranger to me but I KNOW that you have some amazing qualities in you that you just have a hard time highlighting. I too have isolated myself from people and many times have hit basically rock bottom and I just get back up and start all over. It’s really hard, I know, but it makes you stronger each time, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Those times where I have pushed everyone away, thinking it was best for me and everyone else, I have lost friends - my only friends. And you know what? I’m a ridiculously hyper and annoying person myself so I really like that about you. You sound like a fun person. I’m positive you neither obese, nor ugly - I don’t think anybody in the world is ugly. You absolutely have talent and it may take you a while to realize it or you don’t think something you have is a talent, but it’s there. We’re all born with gifts and we just all choose to open it at a different time, while some open them, and never look in. You just need to find something that doesn’t necessarily make you happy, but just makes all of the “bad things” in your life fade away for a bit. If you do want to just vent and/or know what my story is, put your e-mail in my formspring (http://www.formspring.me/thisisallena) because it’s too personal for me to just slap onto the interwebz :P I genuinely do hope that you do find your light.
