11.
“so there are lots of things i could use some help with i’m 18, 12th grade but i’ll try not to like, write a novel d: try to not be very wordy and keep it fact but not everything obviously. my family has been told since i was in 3rd grade that i need mental help, that i need to talk to somebody. and they let it go till 8th grade i got caught at school for severe self injury that i successfully hid for about a year. between 10 grade and now i’ve attempted suicide twice in the midst of full-blown insane mental-breakdowns. i can’t control my emotions. either i’m ridiculously depressed which makes me isolate myself from people. or i’m ridiculouslyh yper and annoying and it pushes people away. i have pretty much no friends anymore. my family, i don’t care what anyone says, they’re different, they truly do not give a damn. i’ve been binge/purging since 10th grade and my mom said to me in 11th “i hope you burn a gaping hole in your throat” and i convinced her it was just that once because i didn’t feel well after eating. i was 250 in the beginning. the 145. not i’m 170 from trying to get “healthy” on my own. i totally and completely feel nothing but pure unadulterated loathing for myself. i’m obese, i’m ugly, i have no talent, there’s not a single thing i’m pleased with. ejbfvlsjdbvsvbldfloh i just want to know how to be happy T-T”
(continued)
“thing with “parents” is that my mom moved out over a year ago and i never knew my father and i wouldn’t want to burdon my grandparents like that >_< and i can’t talk to my mom about my emotions because she’s been to jail and rehab recently so thinks she knows what she’s talking about mentally. i also can’t trust her with my vulnerability because when i was 8 she drove under the influence and fucked up my nose for life in an accident. never apologized. then when i was 12 she was driving drunk and slammed my side of the car into a tree at high speed, didn’t come to see if i was okay, didn’t acknowledge me, but just scrambled to get rid of her empty liquor bottle. again never apoligized, or asked if i was okay -_- no one cares. people think i’m over-exaggerating when i say no one does care about me in real life.”
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